• Aqueelah Wheatley, M.S., LMFT

Raising the dead

I have a great husband! He's loving, supportive, and affectionate. He's hardworking and very self-motivated, and on paper he's practically perfect...except ONE thing, he's been married before!

I knew this before we met, and wasn't initially bothered by it, because though I myself had never been married, I did have two children from previous relationships and figured we would both have equal hurdles to climb as the relationship evolved.

I am in a great position as far as second wives go I suppose, at least in comparison with some of the other articles and blogs I've read on the subject. He has no children from his previous relationship, and his former wife seems to have no interest in him or breaking up what we have going on. As a matter of fact, outside of a few misplaced photos, she has pretty much virtually disappeared all together. No texts, no calls, no contact...so no worries right??

WRONG!! I actually find myself finding plenty to worry about. Since she initiated the divorce, I sometimes find myself wondering if he still has lingering feelings for "the one that got away", or if she changed her mind and came back to claim him, would he be quick to follow the piece of his heart that may still lie with her?

If we're being completely honest, I must admit, my imagination is often my worse enemy in these cases. In reality there is absolutely nothing going on. I mean crickets!! We actually ran across a picture of her recently hanging out with friends, and she didn't seem to be missing him at all, and from all of his accounts of the divorce, I get the feeling that when she said she was done, she meant it. So, why am I so worried about her return as if it is some inevitable doom? And why have I exerted so much energy concerning myself about what my husband would do, when he has done nothing to insinuate that he wants anything else to do with her? I suppose the question here becomes simple, is my woman's intuition picking up on some unresolved emotions? Or am I just simply conjuring worry and raising the dead???

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